I am a broken being,
My insides are broken,
My outsides are broken,
I am a broken being,
With a broken mind

I am a broken being,
with mangled emotions,
I am a broken being,
I am sick in and outside,
from my head to my toes,
from my mind to my bones
So much eats away at me
There's not really much left

Just when that should be enough
The universe takes every chance it gets
it picks me up and dropkicks me
down a flight of neverending stairs
It punches me in the gut
Every time I turn a corner
and the second I try to make it better
it all gets so much worse

I'm not allowed to be happy
I'm not allowed to fix anything
Even if I was, I couldn't.
See, it's like this web of knots
and they're made of adamantium,
they entangle each other in impossible ways
and there's really no way out
as one thing is the cause of another
So I'm stuck like this for the rest of my days

When there's nothing to look forward to
and you're so afraid of everything
and you can't even handle someone else's loss
and you don't even know them, but it hurts you to the core, and the rest of the world couldn't give a fucking toss
You're so fucking sensitive, everything hurts,
from emotions, to the touch of skin
and everything goes wrong around you
all of the time, and all you do is hurt
outside and from within
Mental disorders and chronic pain,
a million physical ailments that alone would
drive anyone insane....and they're all a vicious cycle, each causing another, and there's never a relief from any smidgen of the pain

All you want is a break, or something nice enough
to happen, all you want is a chance to feel sane
and everything is lame
everything's the same
nothing is sunny, you live in the thunder and the rain
Everything is painful, every little thing...
and then you hear people like the rest of you complain....
"my life sucks, my job is lame, I can't get my hair right today and I could just die because life hates me"

Why don't you try not having any life,
any chance at one anyways...
never having made it through school,
never getting to have a job,
never having anything you succeeded at
could be proud of, or any sort of hobby you were good at, no skill you could progress in,
just every day the same...
and every friend you ever had, stabbed you in the back, and hurt you in the worst possible way
and all you did was love them
were there for them and cherished them
and admired them, and did all you could for them
in every possible way.
At one point in time, all of the friends you had then, decided that the person who raped you,
was better to hang out with than you, even when they knew what he did

When all you can remember from every moment of your life, is shitty fucked up bullshit, and you know you had a few happy moments here and there,
but the bullshit outweighed them in every way, so you can't remember a single memory that doesn't make you feel intense emotional and physical pain

I don't claim I haven't had a few good things,
and been lucky to have what I do
because at least I'm not starving, in the streets,
and I have a mom who watches over me, a place to live and basic necessities
I also am lucky enough to have a few little luxuries
but I spend all my time, trapped inside
nobody ever comes to see me
everyone I've ever known
seems to forget I exist and am dying for company
it's so lonely here... and I drown in my fear...for I know that there are certain things which if I lose...I wouldn't be able to live anymore, and it's terrifying to know that I just couldn't do it
I know most people think it, and they survive
but I know myself and what I can handle
I know what I feel and I know what I am
and there are just certain things that will 100% happen and I know I will never make it through them

The worst is that I never had a chance
and I never will
All that is in my foreseeable future
is death, misery and excruciating pain
more and more physical and emotional problems,
and eventually I will actually become completely insane....

the only reason I don't fall apart and become catatonic is that I just know how much worse life would be then...so I sit every day...do the same fucking thing and try as hard as I can do keep occupied....but sooner or later, it's all going to end and the night terrors remind me every time I sleep
so I try so hard not to...I try so fucking hard...
and I just don't understand why I deserve all of this
and such a weak heart that I can't handle it

I don't understand how I can feel so much love and hurt for others suffering, and yet I'm too sick to do anything to help anyone....yet there are millions of people, able to do so much and they couldn't give a shit at all...and that fact alone hurts me more than anything else....

how....how can you all be so fucking self absorbed...
so fucking selfish and careless...
how can you make shit so complicated
when it's all so fucking god damn simple
and people shouldn't have to fucking starve anywhere in the world when we have the resources to fucking feed them....
and some bitch ass fucking soccer mom thinks there is some magical being in the sky who created everything after the earth and shit was ALREADY here, and he gives a shit about her and wants to help her get that discount on that "cute" sweater at the mall, but fuck those starving fucking dying kids in Africa. He doesn't give a flying fuck about them...nope. Yeah, sorry but you're fucking dumb.
Religion is dumb. It's man made and is the cause of ALL of our problems. Literally.

If you can't honestly see that.... you're fucking blind
That's something I'm grateful for, I see and I am aware and I use what is left of my heart and my mind
I care and I love, and I think and give
and I hurt all the fucking time

I just can't stand to live in a world where
amazing people with great hearts and minds
do nothing but suffer for all of their time....

but I'm too afraid to die,
so I'm just stuck here, waiting for more unbelievable pain
feeling so fucking sick all the time....